Ever feel this way?
I’m a reasonably successful person. I’ve more or less “made it”. I have a family, I have an interesting career, we own our house, we chose to live in this specific city. We are extremely fortunate.
Perhaps it’s the knowledge that so much of this good fortune has been outside of my control. I’ve had good luck at just the right time, advantages and privilege not available too others. But what has been given can also be taken away.
What if they find out I don’t actually have any idea what I’m doing? What if they find out I’ve been faking it this entire time? What if they find out I’m just that dumb kid from Virginia making stupid choices, barely escaping with my life, too oblivious to recognize how close I am to the edge.
I have no idea what I’m doing.
I went for a run with a some folks in the c-suite at my work last year only to realize midway it was a “business run” and had nothing to add. Then I tripped on the sidewalk. There’s been a lot of layoffs in tech recently - I’m gonna get laid off. Or just fired. I probably should have stayed in bed that day.
“There’s an ongoing fear that’s usually experienced by high-achieving individuals that they’re going to be ‘found out’ or unmasked as being incompetent or unable to replicate past successes,” Oh fuck off - now I have to wonder if I’m even good enough to feel this way?
…
Good grief! I should probably just get on with it. Just because I can’t see around the bend doesn’t mean there isn’t a road there. These waves always wash ashore eventually. Maybe there will be coconuts?!
Sometimes I feel bad and it’s annoying. After a bit I feel better and forget about it.
Ever read
by Lian Cho? It’s amazing, and hilarious. Also her new book “Oh, Olive!” is out and I can’t wait to get my copy in the mail!